Hurry Up and Wait

The ease of travel always amazes me. You board a plane, watch a few movies and before you know it you have arrived in a new country. It seems like magic. But as with all magic nothing is ever truly what it seems. For example the magical visa sticker in my passport- sure it gives me entry into the country - but in order to actually stay here I have to jump through a lot of hoops (fortunately I do not have to wear a sparkly outfit while doing it).

The first morning after I arrived here, my roommate took me to the local police station where I had to register. Basically this means telling the police where I live in China. Seems simple right? Well, when we told them where we live, they informed us that we had not paid taxes for the last few months and could not register until we paid the back taxes owed plus several months in advance, totaling about 1000RMB (about $130). This is all happening in Chinese of course so I am only getting the little bits my roommate is translating for me. My understanding is that the Landlord is supposed to take care of this, but when we call him he says that it is our problem. So it becomes clear that if I want to register we need to pay. However, because we only have a few hundred RMB between us, (about 30 dollars) the officers let us register with the condition that several guards will follow us home and collect the money there. As paperwork is being processed, Angie and I both found the situation strangely familiar, and we decide to call the guard “Zach” after another famous tree climbing tax collector. After about 100 red stamps and an hour of people coming in and out, shuffling papers, I was able to get my registration form. Then Angie, “Zach”, plus another man (who I can only guess was there for moral support) and I got on our bicycles and rode home to collect the taxes.

However my registration process was not yet complete. Because I am on a long term visa (staying more than 6 months) I am required to have a physical exam. Again I find this description lacking - really it is difficult to find words that capture the entirety of this experience, so the title will have to suffice. One of the secretaries from school went with me last Monday to complete the exam. Upon arrival we find that we are not the only ones trying to register today. There are about 40 people in line in front of us. Now in my experience, Chinese people do not do well with lines, it is not part of their culture. Tracy, the secretary who is currently my caretaker, motions for me to stay put and she begins weaving her way through the crowd of people. She gets the paper work that I need and I fill it out, letting the Chinese government know that I am disease free. Now it is unclear where to go next. I am assuming that we must wait in the line that is now pretty much all the way down the hallway, but Tracy keeps thinking that we can just go to the front; however, after some angry words from officials, I end up in the back of the line.

After about an hour wait, we finally reach the front where I am instructed to sit on a small stool while they take my picture that is recorded on the computer and a green ID card. This will be my identity for the next half an hour. Next I proceed to the cashier where I hand over 402 kuai ($54). The woman checks my passport, swipes my card and gives me a receipt. Now the physical exam can begin.

First Tracy brings me downstairs to a room with a funny little old man who is checking people’s lungs. I am told to watch through a window while the other people in front of me stand on a giant machine and a mechanical arm passes over their chest taking an x-ray that appears on the screen for the little man to inspect. Now that I understand how to do it, I proceed to the other room and do exactly as the others before me have done. Well I must have passed because I was then led to the next room for an eye exam. Here a woman took my green ID card and pointed to a book sitting in front of me. The number 186 was clearly printed in green dots, but what was not clear to me was what language I was expected to say it in. The woman clearly didn’t speak English, but I was afraid I would say it wrong in Chinese. I probably could have said "purple alligator" and she would have still handed me the metal eye cover and pointed to the chair against the opposite wall. After I said the number in my native tongue and took the afore mentioned seat, I held the metal patch (which had no disinfectant on it to blur my vision) to my left eye and pointed which direction the E’s, W’s and M’s pointed. With a grunt I knew to switch eyes and do the same. With another grunt I was moved to the next room.

There was no helpful English label on the sliding glass door leading to the next room. I could make out the image of people laying down and pulling up their shirt, but there was no other clue as to what this coming exam would entail. Tracy didn’t know how to explain in English, so when my turn came I decided to be bold and go forth. Once my identity had been swiped some cold jelly was rubbed on my stomach and the woman proceeded to do an ultrasound. I was not able to figure out what they were looking for because all of my energy was focused on trying not to laugh. I left the room with a paper towel and no idea what was awaiting me next.

Going back upstairs I was taken to the ECG room where bands were put around my wrists and ankles. I lay down on a doctor's table that had a helpful paper covering (and I was probably the 40th person to use that same helpful paper covering) for what seemed like 2 seconds and I was done. Perhaps I don’t have enough medical knowledge, but I couldn’t believe that they found anything interesting in that amount of tim;, however at this point I was not about to complain about something being quick! Only two rooms left. The next made me nervous because the English translation was written boldly: MEDICINE AND SURGERY. I had absolutely no clue what that could mean. Turns out this was the part of the physical that I was used to; they took my height and weight, blood pressure and listened to my heart. Then they asked to see my hands (perhaps to see if I had washed them?) and I was sent back out to the ‘mad house’.

The last room was the trickiest. It was the urine and blood sample room. Now while I knew what this room would entail I was not particularly excited about it. I was given a small plastic cup and directed to a bathroom down the hall. Well it was not really what I would call a bathroom, rather two tiled holes in the ground. This I was prepared for; but what I was not prepared for was the lack of doors or privacy. It is situations like these I find that my American culture shines through. There was another girl in the “bathroom” and I was unclear whether I should enter or not. Well after much hesitation, I decided that when I China, do as the Chinese and I marched in. The other girl greeted me warmly. I thought that the situation had reached its awkward peak, but I was wrong. I am not sure what language she was speaking but I mistook her anxiety for something similar to mine. Perhaps I was just looking for an excuse to leave but as I turned away she gestured that I should stay. Then in English she kept asking me, “can you get any?” and through even more awkward gestures she was trying to explain the difficulties she was having. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I felt bad for her, but I had little help to offer and I was eager to get out of the room as soon as possible.

I brought my sample back down the hall. The woman took what she needed and handed the cup back to me to empty in a plastic bucket sitting on the ground. Still a little in shock from the scene before, I was not as bothered by the lack of sanitation as I probably should have been. Finally they took a blood sample. However the woman had a difficult time finding my veins. She kept whacking my arm in order to make them appear telling me to squeeze my fist tighter and tighter (though of course this was communicated only in body language.) After several tries and considerable whacking of both arms she stuck the needle into the top of my hand and took what she needed. At this point I was just pleased a new needle was being used! After a little over 2 hours the process was done.

I made my last visit to the Police this morning, several days after my physical. After more picture taking, a few fees, filling out forms and more waiting, I handed my passport over. If all goes as planned, by next Monday it should reappear and my visa will have been magically transformed into a resident card. It’s a pretty neat trick.